Ann seems unaware of contradictions in her own ideas and behavior
When we're self-aware, we notice inconsistencies in our thoughts and behavior--conflicting ideas, or ideas that don't match our actions. Recognizing inconsistencies helps us to be self-critical and rational rather than blindly governed by feelings and self-interest.
Is Ann generally self-aware? Or is she often uncritical of herself and unaware how feelings and biases influence her?
Is Ann generally self-aware? Or is she often uncritical of herself and unaware how feelings and biases influence her?
Seemingly illogical inconsistent thinking
When Ann fears an approaching stranger, she prepares a cave hideout and tries to conceal her presence by releasing farm animals and digging up her vegetable garden. Yet, at the same time, she continues preparing to move a wood stove from the barn so she can cook with it in her kitchen (11). While writing of her plan for the wood stove, she even corrects herself that she had to abandon the plan (because of hiding); but then she explains starting work on the stove that day.
There is an old wood-coal stove in the barn....This summer I'm going to try--that is, I was going to try--to haul it to the house. It's heavier than I can lift, but I think I can take it apart. I've already put oil on all the bolts to loosen them. I started this in the morning, while I was resting. (14)
It's also logically inconsistent when Ann decides to hide her presence from the stranger but then blames him repeatedly for using her things--as if he should respect her rights even though she abandoned her things and prevented him from knowing she still lives in the valley!
One of my chickens! (27)
When the chicken was cooked,...he went into the house and came out with two plates (mine!). (34)
When he got to the store, he went in, and when he came out I was amazed--I hardly recognized him. The wrinkled coverall was gone; he was dressed in a whole new outfit; khaki drill slacks, very neat; a blue work shirt; even new work shoes and a straw cap. (My clothes.) (39)
Contradictory Views about Freedom of Choice
Ann often speaks of making decisions (clearly thinking she's free to choose); yet then she also denies responsibility for her decisions, claiming she had no choice or couldn't act diffferently. For example, she claims she had no choice about digging up the garden and letting the stranger bathe in the dead stream because she had to hide--even though hiding is entirely her choice, not a necessity.
So I decided: if anyone does come, I want to see who it is before I show myself. (6)
I am writing this in the morning,...while I rest after doing some things I had to do. I didn't want to, but if I had waited until he came over the ridge,...it would have been too late. (10)
I feel as if it is the beginning of the end. I must make up my mind what to do. (14)
I decided not to show myself. I can always change my mind later. (20)
I could have stopped him [from bathing in the poisoned stream], though I don't know how. Not without showing myself. (26)
Lying to herself to believe what she wishes (i.e., blindly biased)
When the stranger bathes in the dead stream Burden Creek, Ann writes, "It worries me, because I suppose I could have stopped him" (26). Ann emphasizes she isn't sure it was a mistake or how bad a mistake it was; however, she later explains she knows the stream is dead but is unsure why it's dead: "I said I don't know how bad a mistake it was. That's because I don't know what is wrong with that water" (30). So, although she knows the stream flows from outside the valley and is dead, she let the stranger bathe in it and possibly die because of fear for her safety; then, apparently to feel less guilty about not stopping him, she told herself she wasn't sure about the water.